And she’s been 17 since November 12th! But NOW we have pictures of her being 17. It’s taken a while but we finally got it done. It’s not her favorite thing but I think she’s good at it! What a beautiful young woman! And one of my absolute favorite people. The thing that makes me sad is that she is talking about college. College?!?!
Well, it’s been an adventure. We took Dollie the Dog in on December 14th. On December 21st we welcomed six fluffy balls of fur to the world. I’ve actually really enjoyed watching the process. I felt Dollies’ pain during labor and birth, stayed up late worrying that everyone was warm enough, enjoyed the newborn sounds, and watched the little ones grow so much in just a week. And, like a doting grandmother I get to send them all home tomorrow! Also like a doting grandmother I will miss them. But we have play dates to look forward to.
I have just been introduced to this beautiful painting of the birth of our Savior. It is titled “The Nativity” 1597 by Federico Fiori Barocci. The colors are so rich and I love Mary’s halo, the adoring stable animals watching over the baby, and the sweet, sweet, baby that actually looks like a baby. It is very intimate and reminds me of all the times I watched a newborn of my own as they lay with the light just radiating from them, lighting up the whole room. Merry Christmas. Remember that this little baby is the reason for our celebrations and giving. Love to all!
Sorry to my niece, Sadie. She has great sense of humor though so I think she will forgive me. I found a new tool on Photoshop and had some fun with it at her expense.
Here’s the before and after:
Love you, girlie!
Hello friends and family and those who are not yet friends or family but someday will be. I have been pondering the meaning of the season and how much I have to be grateful for. This year has pretty much sucked but we are ending it with much more hope than we started it with. I was whining to my mom yesterday about how my life at 38 was not supposed to be like this. I had a different plan and I am ticked off that it hasn’t worked out that way. I quite often turn on my mental mute when people try to tell me that I will come through this stronger and wiser………..don’t always want to hear that. But as I look around me at the red and green and love and peace that accompanies this time of year I realize that this really is “but a small moment”. Happiness and joy are all around us just waiting to be grabbed.
A little holiday advice that I know you didn’t ask for but I’m going to give anyway:
Slow down.
That’s it. Just slow down and enjoy the good things. Friends and especially family. A home and a job. Food and clothing.
Try not to get caught up in the little things that ultimately don’t mean that much. Let go of the things you really don’t care about just because you think there is some expectation that you will do it.
I’ll go first. I refuse to be stressed about Christmas cards this year. More of the people I love will see it if I post it right here anyway. And, I honestly don’t need to spend a penny on printing and postage.
What will you let go of?
Thanks to everyone who has been asking about the kid. We had a great visit with her the first week of November. It was our first Parent Seminar Weekend and it was H-A-R-D! But, that’s how we make progress so it’s totally worth it. (That’s what they tell me anyway, check back in a year or two for an update on that!) I’ve been a so-so blogger of late but I’ll get back to it soon. In the meantime please follow this link to a video from the talent show that Sierra and her friends at Solstice put on for the parents that weekend. Life in a residential treatment center………
Solstice RTC Girls Talent Show November 2009
Sierra and Baylee at Temple Square in Salt Lake City
It’s my first real, non-kit camera lens since the “accident”. Though I must defend my 28-135 kit lens. It’s been awesome and I will still use it. But, the new one came this afternoon and I think it is going to change my life! Okay, maybe not, but I’m really excited about the possibilities. It’s really nice glass that I got for a really nice price from the used department at B&H. I’ve been saving my pennies and watching the used dept. for this lens for a while and it finally showed up. And, it’s not even used, just a return that never even got opened. Sweet! Anyway, I’ll be using it for a couple of shoots tomorrow after I spend all morning practicing with it. So, watch my 1000 Words blog for the results. I’m pretty sure I will not be sending it back.
Kendall and I just got back from a trip to Utah to see Sierra. Since this was our first visit we were not allowed to take Sierra off of the very small campus. So, we spent a lot of time playing games, watching movies, making collages (a fave therapy activity of hers), staring at each other, and of course taking some pictures. We were also able to go to horses with Sierra on Wednesday morning before our flight at 1:20. It was a little icky in the morning with rain and lots of mud. Kendall and I got to the airport with mud and horse poop on our shoes and happiness and hope in our hearts. Sierra seems to be making progress. The family therapy face to face was hard but well worth it. I think the very hardest stuff has been shared and we have been able to put our behinds in the past :) Still lots to learn but now we feel like we are really on our way to being better, stronger people. Our next visit is the first weekend of November (3 short weeks from today) and will be a “Parent Weekend”. We will get to meet the parents of the other girls and get lots of education and training. We will also be able to have Sierra off campus during the daytime so we can enjoy shopping and eating at The Pizza Factory!
The photos are kind of random, but hey, that’s how I roll! So enjoy:
This is my favorite for obvious reasons!
Word?
Have you ever tried to take a one-handed self portrait with a 3lb camera?
I L-O-V-E these two. She was smiling without being told to.
The girls at Solstice take a break from being fashionistas for the time that they are there,
but they seem to be making a statement with the riding boots that they choose.
Sierra’s are the red ones. That’s my girl!
These little cows are the newest addition to the farm. So, so cute!
This is Sierra’s best friend Jo. She loves to ride her. They get along.
Nice hat!
With all that has been going on in my life this past couple of years I have found myself pining for a simpler time and place. I’m tired of being the grown-up. I know I can’t quit my life but how about just a little break from the responsibilities? When I was in high school I had an awesome group of friends. We were tight. And to make it even better there were seven of us! Yes, seven! And that was just the core of us. We loved just about everyone and we always had room for more. When we graduated I thought the best thing in the world was to go far away to school and get on with my life. I was not good at keeping in touch. The last time I really spent time with my “magnificent seven” was at the amazing bridal shower that they hosted for me. We were all so young and they couldn’t believe I was getting married already but they were troopers and supported me. Then I had babies and my life became so different from theirs and we lost touch almost completely. I made it to one wedding, and our ten year reunion. A couple of visits through the years. It has now been 19+ years since graduation. We have been through moves, babies, marriages, divorces, loss of parents, loss of figures, illnesses, children’s illnesses, you name it. Now, through the miracle of Facebook we have found each other again. So, in my pining for that simpler time an idea was born. An idea that will see the seven of us together again for a weekend of reliving old memories and making new ones. Of completely responsibility-free time with my girlfriends, laughing, being silly, crying, and sharing. I hope it is just the beginning of a renewal of the tradition of being there for each other. I hope they all still like me! I know I still love them, if just for the fact that they didn’t laugh when I said “Hey y’all, let’s get together for a weekend in Atlanta, I need you!” Instead they totally ignored the fact that I have been a dolt for the last 19 years, that we have only seen each other a couple of times, and they embraced the idea and said that they needed us too. One more week. I’m excited and nervous, but mostly excited! See you soon ladies!
From left to right: Alicia V., Alicia C., Kim, Teri, Jenny, Sue, and Liz. And officer, I promise I never actually drove the car with everyone in it! (wink,wink)
My Mom and Dad are not really old enough to have been married 40 years. But they have, and we are all so happy about that! Kendall and I want to be like them when we grow up. Their generosity never ceases to amaze us. How about being invited to spend the last weekend of their anniversary trip with them in the North Georgia Mountains?! It is one of my very favorite places to visit. It is good for my soul to be in the cool, peaceful mountains in a cabin. And when I say cabin, I mean a cabin with a hot tub, pool table, gas log fireplace, and satellite TV. That’s my idea of roughing it! Anywho, thanks again Mom and Dad. For the weekend in the mountains, but more importantly for being a great example of how marriage is supposed to be. Happy Anniversary!
The Great Moosemac in the sky.
I’m going to use you. All of you.
I need some pumpkins. I’ve had an idea and I need pumpkins. Whimsical, elegant, homemade, cute, orange pumpkins. The pumpkins above are at Pier 1 and will be mine as soon as I save enough pennies. If you see anything interesting while you are out and about please let me know where you find it and how much it is. I will then dash to the pumpkin-mobile (see below) and retrieve it.
Now pumpkin observers…go forth and find delicious orangeness.
Thank you and goodbye.
So, Kendall is in North Georgia spelunking with his brother and a bunch of other guys. So, I took myself out for date night! I had a great time just wandering around finding things to do. I had some errands and did some window shopping. A couple of things made me especially happy…..
1. A very fashionable gay guy said this to me: “Honey, I LOVE those frames!” That makes me happy with my choice. I was wearing my new “sassy glasses”.
2. A very cute couple was shopping in the bra department. She was explaining to her hubby that she needed a convertible bra. “What exactly makes a bra convertible” he asks, “does the top come off?” “No”, she says condescendingly, “the straps convert from regular to halter to cross-back to strapless” . I’m not kidding here about the next words out of his mouth, I couldn’t make this up. He says , with a gleam in his eye “ I like the kind that converts to nothing.”
It was all I could do to not spit Diet Coke all over the regular, non-convertible bras I was looking at. Seriously, I had to walk away so I could giggle out loud and not embarrass anyone (myself included) since I really shouldn’t have been listening in on them in the first place. I’m really glad I didn’t miss that conversation though. It made my weekend.
She really does not enjoy having her picture taken anymore. Such a pity since I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
Last weekend was a “Parent Weekend” at Solstice. It was too soon for us to attend but we did get to benefit from the photos taken by one of the parents.
This first photo shows Sierra, one staff member, and two parents involved in an equine therapy activity. It looks to me like they had to capture and harness their horse with their wrists and ankles tied together so that there are four people but still only two hands to do the work. Fun!
Success!?!
This last photo is from the 5k in Provo Canyon that the girls ran on Saturday morning. Sierra took first place in her age division (14 and under). The girl to the left of Sierra is Marissa, her “big sister”. The smiley guy in the back is Kyle, one of the therapists, and also one of the three founders of Solstice.
My dad took this like totally awesome picture in 1990, just before graduation. My “papa” restored the 1966 candy apple red Mustang.
And yes, our jeans were SUPPOSED to look like that!
I have decided to explain to all interested parties what is going on in our family right now. I know there have been several cryptic posts on this blog and on Facebook that no one would understand if they did not already know what was happening. So, to save me having to repeat myself I am going to do this one time right here.
Many of you know that Sierra has been having a rough couple of years. It started with some strange behavior that led to trouble with school and a year of homeschooling. I’m not sure how much actual “schooling” happened during that time but it did give me the opportunity to keep her close and discover that some things were not right with her. She was suffering, sad, even depressed which turned into self-harm (cutting) and suicidal thoughts and threats. Thus began the rocky road of therapy, psychiatrists, and meds. We got an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Two psychiatrists have confirmed the diagnosis.
I never fully understood the chaos that this experience would bring into our home until it was on us big time. It was so gradual and we were so absorbed with trying to get her help that we failed to see the pain that our other children were in. Because of this we made the decision to have Sierra move in with my parents with the hope that after a few weeks of quiet she would be able to calm down and focus. That her sisters would get a needed break. It was not a successful experiment. Over the summer her behavior has become more erratic and her manic and depressed states further apart and more rapid in their cycles. The cutting continued and her suicidal threats resurfaced. After a couple of weeks at Kendall’s parent’s house we realized that she needed more help than any of us could give her. Kendall and I flew to Utah to begin looking at residential treatment centers. We chose Utah because they seem to specialize in the type of program that treats adolescent girls with issues like Sierra’s, as well as addiction recovery, etc. We tentatively planned to fly to Arizona as well if we could not find the right place in Utah. Something about the west….We are grateful that we did find someplace for her where we have family close by that can visit her more often than we will be able to.
Sierra is at an all girls program. She will have individual therapy at least three times each week along with several therapy groups. She has equine therapy two days each week and additional opportunities for riding the horses. That is one of the things we were looking for because of her love of horses and the natural ability she has with them. The girls also tend two gardens and eat the food that they grow. They train to run in local 5K races and train with a boot camp instructor from the Air Force base three days each week. They have school Monday-Friday from 3-7 pm. She will complete her freshman year before she comes home. As far as when that will be be depends mostly on her. The girls work through a series of “levels”. The goal, obviously, is to complete all of the levels in preparation for coming home. Sierra has the advantage of having gone willingly into the program and wanting to make changes. Hopefully this will help her work through the levels more quickly, but who knows. As a family, especially as her parents, we also have assignments that we must work on in order for Sierra to advance from level to level. We have a family therapy session (conference call) once each week as well and we will all be getting the help and counseling that we need to help Sierra return home successfully.
As Sierra achieves her levels she will get more freedom and responsibilities. For now her only outside contact will be with her parents. At some point she will be able to get letters from other family members and friends that are on her approved list. Please let me know if you would like to be added to the list and I will let you know when the appropriate time comes. We also look forward to home visits in the future and the long parent weekends that we will be going out there for.
There are a lot of complicated emotions that go along with sending your daughter away so far, for so long. Please bear with us as we process it all. We appreciate the love and prayers that have been sent our way. We really have been in our own little bubble the past couple of years. A little anti-social to tell the truth. We are feeling a lot of hope for Sierra, and for our family as a whole. We look forward to the things that we will learn and plan on coming out of this much stronger and wiser. We are also ready to play more and worry a little less.
Now, as far as that pesky 35lbs……..I’m not blaming Sierra. I blame me. But at least I haven’t become a raging alcoholic! Food is a little bit better addiction and coping mechanism, but absolutely not a healthy one. I am determined to work as hard at becoming healthy as I know my sweet baby girl is.
I believe she is being tested and made stronger for a great purpose. I just wish I could know now what it is!
The first night we were in Utah the sunset over the lake was outstanding! Of course the next couple of nights when I had time to take pictures it was overcast. Finally on our last evening there it cleared up and we parked ourselves at Saltair to wait for the show. 
This was the day that we spent in Provo. It was fun to visit campus, eat at the Creamery, see our old (teeny) house, drive up the canyon, eat at Burger Supreme, and spend the evening on the temple grounds. Kendall and I spent many, many evenings on those grounds overlooking the MTC and Utah lake. I went into labor twice while walking around the temple. Notice how the light changed the color of the temple during the hour that we sat there.
Well, the reason for the trip a couple of weeks ago was not a happy one but we managed to have many happy experiences while we were there. I have many pictures to upload and edit so I will add them as they are ready. We spent our first full day at Temple Square. So many changes since the last time we were there.
